7 Toxic Expectations that Often Drive Happy Couples Apart

So you want to make your relationship work like a well-oiled machine. And you believe that the best way to achieve that is to be on the same wavelength as your partner, to be complementary of each other and simply say “yes” to his/her every whim.

That’s exactly the kind of relationship a lot of films and TV shows portray nowadays, notwithstanding the unrealistic and unhealthy nature of that kind of a relationship. As a result of this twisted portrayal of what a happy relationship should look like, many happy couples end up splitting simply because neither one of them can cope up with the pressure of constantly trying to live up to the steep expectations their partners have of them.

In real-world situations, it is not advisable to do everything your partner requires of you. If you think that blindly following your partner’s every whim will help you avoid conflicts and confrontations, you’d be completely wrong. It’ll only create more relationship problems than solutions down the line. You — and the relationship as a whole — should also and always have a say on things.

Before heeding your partner’s wishes, ask yourself first: “Is this comfortable for me? Do I feel cornered into saying yes? Am I only settling for my partner’s preference? Is this good for me or am I justifying their actions?”

Because of how modern pop culture promotes and glorifies an unhealthy relationship image, it’s completely understandable if you find it hard to navigate between healthy and toxic expectations, especially that you’ve been influenced by wrong ideas of “relationship goals” all this time. But if you are ready to learn, this relationship advice will help draw the line for you.

Read on and find out what common relationship expectations are unhealthy and why saying “no” to your partner can be a good thing.

1. When your partner expects you to be their emotional dumping site.

Being someone’s confidant is different from being just an outlet for them to vent out their anger and stress. It may start as you being the passive listener to their rants (and you might still think that this is fine) until it leads to greater abuse, both emotional and physical.

At the onset, you shouldn’t consider this behavior a normal element of a romantic relationship.

Displacement is a coping mechanism that can eventually turn happy couples into a resentful and toxic partnership.

2. Your partner expects you to subdue your emotions.

Your partner should never ask you to suppress your emotions — with or without condition. Understand that emotions are normal and that it’s nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. Even the ones many believe are negative, like sadness or anger.

Bottling it up is unhealthy and will eventually lead to even more relationship issues once your emotions explode in both of your faces.

Also, crying has more benefits than it has downsides. So just let those tears flow and let the emotions out. If it really is true love that you share together, you should be able to express your emotions without fear of judgment or repercussions from your partner.

3. Keeping the relationship a secret.

There must be a heavy reason behind for your partner to ask this from you — and for it to be acceptable. However, most of the time, it only falls into either of these categories: they are not sure where the relationship is going, or they are involved with someone else behind your back.

Either way, you are only undoubtedly setting yourself up for an ugly end. If they truly cherish you, they will be proud of what you have and be enthusiastic to introduce you to their own circle.

You deserve better than this.

4. When you’re expected to always agree with your partner.

We wouldn’t be surprised if you — along with many others — are raising your eyebrows to this sentence. Because we were conditioned into thinking that agreements are the way out of relationship problems, right?

Not really. Agreeing with your partner all the time — and doing so blindly — erases your individuality, and ability to make decisions on your own.

Such an arrangement may work out for you at the beginning, but what will happen if you both want to push things to a more serious level? This is a manipulative behavior that shows how much or in this case, how little respect your partner has for you.

Having the same stand on things is awesome, however, relationships also call for individuality and a big part of that is being your own self.

5. You are expected to change yourself completely.

All the good relationship advice we know pushes couples to always aim for growth and change. However, turning yourself over to be someone whom your partner wants you to be is obviously the complete opposite of a healthy love life.

You should never be forced to change who you are just to fit the mold of your partner’s ideals. No one in the relationship should be considered as a “project to correct.”

Remember: A relationship that’s worth its weight in gold should never pressure you to give up your hobbies or pick up unhealthy habits. That’s the other, ugly way of change that you should never adopt.

6. Pick up after your partner.

This may seem like a simple thing to do, but there are still so many people who do not know how to clean up after themselves.

If you only want to show to your partner that they can always depend on you, it’s fine. But what if they demand that you take care of every chore at home? It’s time to reconsider if they are staying with you to become their lover or caretaker.

Being a responsible adult is one characteristic you should consider as a dealbreaker when trying to find true love. Why? Because there will be so much more to face as you two go along the relationship.

7. Alter how you present yourself because your partner said so.

While it’s nice to know that your partner is interested in your look as well, you must always remember that only you have the final say about your body.

This includes how you dress up, what you change on your body and what makes you feel safe and comfortable. If they truly want what’s best for you, then they should respect your own decisions about your own self.

And, to be fair to your partner, you should extend the same respect with regards to their self-expression.

Disagreeing with your partner doesn’t have to mean that the relationship is in jeopardy. Even the happiest couples argue and come to disagreements sometimes.

There will always be situations where finding a common ground is required. Make this a way to strengthen your bond rather than let pressure wedge you apart.

After reading all that, don’t you think it’s time to upgrade your relationship goals checklist? Yeah, we think so too.