Spotting and Avoiding Gaslighting in Relationships

I am having a hard time understanding you. You’re insane!

I don’t get why you always insist that I’m doing that. You’re fabricating stories.

I have no time to talk with you. You make no sense.

These are just some typical phrases that people use when they are subjected to gaslighting in relationships .

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that alters somebody’s mental soundness. This is generally experienced by someone who is in an abusive relationship.

This convinces some that they’re wrong about what they see and hear, even though they aren’t. Generally speaking, it seems that you contradict or refuse to settle for anyone.

A significant number of people are guilty of some delicate sort of gaslighting – declining to hear what our partner needs to say whether they’re perfectly right or eagerly contrasting over some minor point.

For the most part, it’s completely healthy. A kind of insignificance. A refusal to be proven wrong.

Gaslighting is often a form of deception, whether done deliberately or not. This has resulted from a person’s repeated exploitation of their intimate partner and others.

Thus, what does it mean when someone is gaslighting you?

Warning Signs of Gaslighting

Gaslighting has become one of the major concerns of most psychologists because it results in severe mental health issues. This is more likely to happen if the person who is experiencing it doesn’t have it resolved right away.

Dr. Robin Stern’s book, The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life, lists down the warning signs when being gaslighted. They are the following:

• having a feeling that something’s wrong, but not being able to recognize what it is

• frequently addressing whether your reaction to your partner is suitable (e.g., contemplating whether you are excessively outlandish or not adoring enough)

• rationalizing your partner’s conduct

• keeping information from companions or relatives to avoid talking about your partner

• feeling disconnected from loved ones

• discovering it progressively difficult to decide

• feeling sad and taking practically zero joy in activities you used to appreciate

• feeling like all that you do isn’t right

• continually believing it’s your flaw when things turn out badly

• saying ‘sorry’ frequently

• done feeling like the individual you used to be

• being more restless and less sure than you used to be

• frequently contemplating whether you’re, in effect, excessively delicate

Kinds of Gaslighting to Recognize

• Discrediting. They give the impression to others that you are fabricating stories, being perplexed by events, and unable to remember key details.

• Trivializing. They are oblivious to your emotions and thoughts. They basically hold you responsible for the situation.

• Forgetting or Denying. They either dismiss it or announce something that never happened when you try to bring up something they discussed.

• Countering. They doubt your memory, alter the nuances of the case, or, worst of all, deny the reality of it. The majority of the time, they hold you responsible for what happened.

• Diversion. They never let you talk about their behavior or change the topic. They sometimes shift the focus back to you, making it appear as if you are fabricating the whole story.

• Withholding. They ignore you for speaking about something that upsets you, or they mock you for confusing them with the truth.

Ways to Stay Clear of Being Gaslighted

• Validate if it’s gaslighting

One inescapable truth about gaslighting behavior is that it is difficult to identify. This can begin with minor squabbles and other seemingly innocuous situations.

True gaslighting occurs when you continually distrust yourself and rely your perception of truth on the perceptions of others.

When someone expresses a different viewpoint on something, they do not necessarily gaslight you, even though they do so in a rude manner.

Take into consideration that when you suspect someone is trying to deceive you, you must understand your feelings and sentiments, not just their actions.

• Take a step back from the situation

No single person has the right to negate your feelings, particularly if you are struggling with a mental health issue.

Feelings of hate, resentment, uncertainty, fear, and apprehension are all understandable, but never allow them to cloud your judgment and decision-making when confronted with a difficult situation.

Allow yourself to relax and clear your mind of negative thoughts.

• Collect evidence of manipulation

In a trial, a lawyer wins a case based on the testimony of witnesses and the facts underlying the evidence raised.

Interactions with someone who wants to exploit you will help you concentrate on what is really going on. In this scenario, as soon as they refute a single information about something, you can go back and fact-check it for yourself.

Some methods of documentation are listed below:

• Make note of significant dates and periods of conversation.

• Take a screenshot of the conversation and save it. Both text and email are appropriate.

• Take photos of the destruction of property.

• Conversations should be registered. This may be prohibited by law. However, you may allow others to listen and notify them of such a situation.

• Make a written summary of your conversation. The more straightforward the quotes, the better.

• Take considerable time addressing the behavior

This psychological abuse occurs because it confuses you, causing you to lose trust. If the behavior has no effect on you, the individual attempting to gaslight you will begin to believe that what they are doing isn’t worth the battle.

Aside from threatening your wellbeing, gaslighting is also accompanied by criticism and assaults, resulting in a toxic relationship. Confronting people politely and calmly demonstrates opposition to the behavior.

Don’t be afraid to express yourself. Allowing people to be mindful of the situation gives them reason to give you space.

• Boost your conviction on your side of the story

If you get any clarification on what they may remember about a situation, they can have a different story. Moreover, eventually, you begin to think, “What if that’s actually what happened?”

In any case, don’t give in to the probability that makes you doubt yourself. Keep in mind that they plan to alter your reality.

The confidence you have in remembering what really happened necessitates mental calmness and self-assurance. You can show them any proof that would allow them to identify a timeline of events. In any case, it’s possible that this will have no effect.

Never engage in confrontation if they continue to question the veracity of your claim. Throwing an argument does not end well for you, and it can instead put you under more strain and make you more susceptible to coercion.

Refuse to participate in conflict, and you will retain control of the situation.

• Focus on self-care and include important people

The ability to manage your feelings and emotions would most likely have little effect on clearly addressing the gaslighting, but self-care will have an impact by strengthening your perspective towards a healthy relationship.

Being concerned about gaslighting can have an impact on all aspects of your life, particularly those that are important to you and make you feel good. However, allowing yourself time to take a break and thrive will strengthen your physical and mental health.

It will undoubtedly assist you in becoming more focused and fit to face the obstacles in your daily presence.

Take the time to invest in your companions and participate in events that all of you will enjoy.

As a result, you have the advantage of channeling negativity into productivity. You can also get moral support from people you trust.

Break Free from Gaslighting

When you give in to someone you love the most, you never mind being physically and emotionally dominated. The love and respect you both have for each other is the pillar of your relationship.

Unfortunately, not everyone experiences all of the meaning that affection brings.

So if you are someone who is partnered with a person who dominates and separates you from your reality, risk cutting the link yourself.

Try to never be disturbed by your partner’s behavior. You don’t need love to change the situation right now; instead, you need an opportunity to better yourself and rebound from what is being sacrificed.

Every now and then, being self-centered triggers the need to figure out how to heal from a toxic relationship.