Letting Go of a Toxic Relationship

Not all couples are in healthy relationships and not all partners are loving and understanding. There are some that are only in relationships for their own selfish interests. If you’ve experienced being with these people, then you’ve experienced some emotional roller coasters.

Letting go of a toxic relationship can be challenging but not impossible. You just have to make sure you don’t go through that cycle again, and that is going to take a lot of reflection and self-care. The pain caused by being with a toxic individual can be harder to overcome, but as long as you follow these tips, you’ll get on the other side a better person:

1. Surround yourself with positive people

After breaking up from a long term relationship with a toxic person, you should reconnect with family and friends. This is important not only to get over that person but also to reaffirm your worth as an individual.

Break-ups are hard and in order to get through it, you need to have a strong support system. Plus, your friends and family could give you advice not only on how to get over your ex but also prevent you from falling down a rabbit hole of self-pity and depression.

Ultimately, the closest people around you will help pick you up when you fall.

2. Re-evaluate the relationship

Getting over a breakup is the perfect reason to re-evaluate what went wrong. However, you have to do it in an objective way—that is, try to recall the experience from an outsider’s perspective.

If you remove your emotions out of the equation, you might discover clues as to who your ex really was. Perhaps you recalled some social media posts that you found odd but it didn’t bother to mention. Maybe there are mannerisms and statements the person made that disturbed you but you decided to let go.

The point is what you discover while re-evaluating might shed light on why your ex behaved the way she did. And, hopefully, realizing that the break-up wasn’t entirely your fault would help you move on and even shape your view on unhealthy relationships. At the very least, the experience would also give you insight on how to spot a toxic person.

3. Look out for yourself more

If there’s one thing you should take out of letting go of a toxic relationship, it’s the fact that it’s ok to be a little self-serving. After all, you don’t want anyone using and manipulating you again.

You can start by building a backbone and not replying to every single cryptic message your ex sends you. Before that happens, it’s better to cut ties with her completely so you won’t keep hoping for nothing.

You should also prevent yourself from finding out what’s going on in her life, if she’s seeing someone else, etc. Torturing yourself like that is not good for your mental and emotional health.

4. Take up a hobby

Wallowing in the pain of the break-up won’t do you any good. To keep your mind off the heartbreak, try taking up a new hobby. You can learn a new language, try a new online game, or even take up arts and crafts. The important thing is you have something else to focus on.

The hobby also allows you to expend all that pent-up negative energy of being in a toxic relationship, instead of taking it out on your closest friends and family (or even an unsuspecting passerby).

5. Enter the dating pool eventually

The true mark that you’ve finally moved on is when you start dating someone else. Being able to spend time with another person, especially a good one, can help you note the differences of being with a nice person as opposed to a toxic one.

If letting go of a toxic relationship should teach you anything, it’s to be more selective of the people you date. Another takeaway is learning to say no to whenever one of your dates displays problematic habits.

You don’t have to compromise yourself entirely in order to be with someone. And if the person you date puts her needs above yours, then you’re better off finding someone else.

While it may take some time to get over your ex, or even trust someone else with your emotions, you will ultimately move past the heartache. Better than that, you have the chance to find someone new.

Once you do enter the dating scene again, you better look out for singles that are a lot like your ex. One way you can do that is to be aware of toxic dating practices, such as:

• Orbiting

This is when someone doesn’t reply to your messages but randomly likes or comments on your posts on social media. They don’t want you to forget them, but they wouldn’t commit to getting to know you better.

• Cloaking

Just when you thought things were going so well between you and your date, but when you try to get in touch with her online, for some reason you’ve been blocked from sending and receiving messages. And you can’t ask what went wrong because you’ve been barred from making contact. When this happens, the best you can do is move on and not take the rejection personally.

• Breadcrumbing

Worse than ghosting is someone who just strings you along. A breadcrumber is someone who communicates with you regularly but wouldn’t commit to meeting you in person. She might even agree initially and then flake at the last minute.

• Submarining

If ghosting is losing touch with your ex all of a sudden, this is hearing from an ex again as if she didn’t lose touch with you at all. She messages out of the blue with hopes of picking up where you left off but without acknowledging that she left you hanging in the first place.

While it can be hard getting over a toxic person, it is possible as long as you look out for yourself more. Simple things like reading about healthy relationship tips and how to build healthy relationships can go a long way. You should also be more careful with who you date to avoid ending up with someone like her again.